The opposite of faith is not doubt. Even unbelief is not the opposite of faith. That’s why the Bible’s characters are able to rage at and accuse God, and this is an expression of their faith. It’s why we have psalms dedicated to the feeling of abandonment by God. Faith is what you do with that doubt and unbelief, it’s bringing it to God (who may or may not be there, and may or may not be good.)
Which is good, because as Red Twin faces her own death, and as we face the prospect of life without her, I have doubts. Some about God’s goodness or wisdom, but mainly doubts about what comes next. It all seems so shadowy, and short on details. The answers are few.
This is the walk of faith: knowing and yet not knowing. The apostle Paul writes about this tension when he says, “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”
So I’ve been listening to songs that remind me of the little I do know, and point me towards the greater to come. Here are three that are on high rotation for me at the moment. They’re each in very different music genres, but all pretty much guaranteed to make my tears spring.
Psalm 23 is often read at funerals. I am finding it a comfort as I think of how dark and chaotic the world will seem without Red Twin. I will need my Shepherd.
You’re right outside and along the edges
Of what I saw and thought I knew
Till the veil is finally lifted
And all things sad become untrue
Till the author of the story
Fills the earth with his good song
‘Home‘, City Alight. This is Aussie, from a church in Sydney.
I think my life is more of a limp than a run, but this prayer resonates:
Jesus bring me safely home.
I do not know what I will see,
When all my tears are wiped away
But I am sure that it will be,
The world that I was saved to see
Tamie Davis is an Aussie living in Tanzania, writing at meetjesusatuni.com.