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‘My Hot Wife’

Over at Her.meneutics, they’ve been discussing Christian cliches. One of them is the idea of referring to your wife as ‘my smokin’ hot bride’. Karen Prior has two objections:

  1. Calling your wife your ‘bride’ betrays a silly insistence that she is sweet, young and virginal, as she was at the altar; it infantilizes her rather than celebrating her maturity.
  2. Calling your wife ‘smokin’ hot’ places emphasis on her sexiness. It makes beauty her primary virtue.

I’m familiar with this sort of cliche. In Australia, we have a more toned down version, ‘my hot wife’ or ‘my bride’ rather than ‘my smokin’ hot bride’. Have you seen it on Facebook and Twitter?

I hadn’t thought before of ‘bride’ being a negative term to use. I had always read it as a term that speaks of being just as enraptured with your wife as on your wedding day. However, I have objected to calling wives ‘hot’ on FB for some time.

I commented on this to a friend, that while plenty of men referred to their wives as ‘hot’ few called them ‘kind’ or ‘clever’.  He responded that the only reason I objected was because my identity was built on being clever rather than being good looking. While that’s reasonably insulting to me, how much more to the ‘hot’ women, as if being ‘hot’ is their defining feature!

The thing is, the men I know who refer to their wives as ‘hot’ on FB do actually appreciate other things about them. So why is ‘hot’ the front-running description? One suggestion is that it’s male competition about who has the hottest wife (and, apparently, can shriek the loudest about it). However, I suspect there are at least two other, far more well-intentioned reasons:

  1. Calling your wife ‘hot’ is actually a reaction against the Christian stereotype of boring, unsexy marriages. (Of course, there’s the question of whether the success of your marriage in this regard needs to be broadcast on FB.)
  2. It’s also affirming that she continues to be alluring to him. Driscoll’s post about pastor’s wives who let themselves go has now been removed, but Bobbie Houston’s Kingdom Women Love and Value their Sexuality (formerly ‘Kingdom Women Love Sex’) carries similar ideas of the link between beauty and spirituality.

For mums who feel stressed out by the pressures of being at home trying to get their children to sleep/poop/eat, etc being called ‘hot’ may be wonderfully affirming. Her husband does see her as more than a live-in maid or nanny.

But something about it still grates on me. Perhaps because the companionship dimension of marriage is missing; the idea of doing life together, side by side, is overlooked..

What do you think? Would you be happy to refer to your wife/be referred to as a bride? or hot? How do you feel when you see it done?

Categories: Woman Written by Tamie

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Tamie Davis

Tamie Davis is an Aussie living in Tanzania, writing at

12 replies

  1. I’d call my wife hot and do, but not on facebook! Totally agree that it devalues all the other qualities I love about her. It also stinks of the objectification of women. It may be intended to communicate ones attraction to their spouse, but there are other less culturally loaded ways of doing this (and more timeless ways). The two things I dislike about calling ones wife hot in a public forum is that (1) it makes her seem like a handbag and (2) it encourages others to covet or compare their wife to her!
    I’ve got no issue with calling my wife my bride. I think it expresses my continuing romantic delight or infatuation with her. Particularly in line with being faithful to the wife of my youth (Mal 2:14-15) and rejoicing in her (Prov 5:18). Sort of like the idea of continuing to date your partner after getting married.

  2. I wouldn’t do the ‘bride’ thing, it wouldn’t fit in with the character of our relationship. We’re not given to talking about ourselves in such emotionally idealised ways, perhaps reflecting our Australian-ness. Anyway, would I want Camille calling me her ‘groom’? Not a good connotation. :)

    I think that the ‘my smokin’ hot wife’ thing is partly just a fad because Driscoll does it. But in context it seems to be about bolstering the ‘Biblical Manhood’ thing, showing yourself to be a guy who cares about his wife (in a slightly possessive way). See also the guys who have daughters and talk about enjoying time with ‘my girls’. The operative word being ‘my’.

    I think that it’s become a bit silly and it is demeaning to our wives to make that kind of comment a staple of our social media. No-one over the age of 20 should tell everyone that their girlfriend/wife is ‘smokin’ hot’. You sound like an idiot.

  3. Not a massive fan and I think in 18 months I’m yet to do it publicly.

    I don’t like it on another level. Let’s say I’m a struggling porn addict (50-80% of our churches perhaps?) and the pastor tells me his wife is hot. Well now I’ve gotta go check her out don’t I.

    So I think my wife is beautiful is my and her favourite phrase

  4. As a single guy, I can’t speak from experience, but I think my approach would mirror the commenters before me. I’d want my spousal affirmation to be appropriate, genuine, and (importantly) mine, not somebody else’s!

  5. a thousand times yes. Couldn’t agree with this post more.

    I feel like the subtext behind such a remark is, “my wife is a really godly, amazing, devoted, Christ-like woman. Oh and in case you think she’s boring, she’s super hot too.”

  6. Of course this discussion would not be complete without a reference to Ignatius, the ultimate youth pastor. Check about 5:50.

  7. Very interesting

    I’m always uncomfortable when Christian men call their long term wives “their bride”, like they are worshiping the wedding and the prize and not honouring the person.

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